A Memoirist's Bill of Rights

​A few years ago, I stopped sharing stories with some of my family members.  Although they were well-intentioned, a couple of people in my life insist on critiquing my memory of stories from childhood.  Instead of listening to the story and appreciating what I remember of it, they instead dedicate their energy to listing off the 547 reasons that my memory stinks because I remember my step-dad’s truck as white instead of red.

After being interrupted and criticized on several occasions, I gave up trying.  Why would anyone want to share their memories with people who lack interest and curiosity?  No writer wants to sit in that corner.  Writing memoir pieces, whether they are individual pieces or collective pieces, is deeply challenging work for any writer.  The reflective aspect of memoir writing requires an inner strength to be able to identify memories worth preserving, self-evaluate events for their value, and compose those events into a logical format that others can relate to. 

Yet, any memoirist faces the criticism from multiple directions.  Many writers, in any genre, tend to hold out considerations on how their work will be received while holding up a protective barrier around their work from the world’s exterior criticism.  The balance is a challenge.  
​

---

​To be able to write memoir, some writers need a bit of distance from the other people involved to be able to capture their authentic memories from their own viewpoint.  Getting enough mental space can be the first step; accepting that not everyone will agree with one version of the truth is another. 

What memoirists need is a code of affirmation to lean upon during those days when Aunt Maisie lists the 42 ways you got your facts mixed up, because obviously, her memory is much superior to everyone else’s recollections.

Memoirists need a bill of rights—a list of certain truths that support the intense work that memoir writing requires; memoirists need a solid, certain guarantee that no matter how many nails are bitten away during the hours spent dedicating personal recollections to paper, that the story will hold true.  We need a bill of rights, because writing about our lives is gut-wrenching work that musters bravery by the bucketful.  
​

Have you thought about writing your personal stories to save for family and friends? Has the thought of writing your memoir intimidated you? Letters to the Future: The Simple Guide for Writing Your Memoir is a step-by-step guide book that can help anyone collect their personal stories for a memoir. Your stories are your greatest legacy. Preserve your stories for family and friends. Learn more about the book at Preserveyourstory.com

Your stories are valid and valuable. 
​

​Look at today’s memoirs.  What would have happened if the man, abused as a child, decided that his years of torture at his parents’ hands had no merit in the literary world so never bothered to write it?  What if the Civil Rights leaders from the 60s left their memories in the dust and left the rest of us to guess how they felt standing against an impossibly-powerful opponent?  What if the women of math and science chose to leave the past behind by pretending they were secretaries and not experts?  Every person has amazingly interesting stories to share.  No matter if a life was spent on the battlefield, in the wheat fields, or having a field day, our stories matter. 
​

​People want to read your personal stories. 
​

​The first thought that many memoirists grapple with is—what will happen when people read my story?  People’s past emotions of shame, guilt, and blame burst to the surface.  Sometimes writers worry how readers will react to a story or how a story may be taken by an unbiased public.  As writers, we tend to worry more than necessary, because readers overwhelmingly applaud the bravery it takes to document one’s personal stories.  
​

Be yourself.  People want to read about you.
​

Readers choose to read a memoir, whether a short narrative from a family member or a book-length piece, because they want to delve into the life of someone else.  By touching the lives of other people—farmers, politicians, and refugees, we learn more about the human experience.  Readers want to read the story of you—the story of hitchhiking in the rain, the story of wrecking a motorcycle in the mountains, and the story of walking away from endless days of punching the clock. 
​

Your memories do not need to match anyone else’s memories. 
​

​Just because your sister, father, the next-door neighbor, or some schmoe from down the street remembers a story differently means nothing.  Your story is your story.  Your memory is under no obligation to match anyone else’s recollections of events.   
​

If a story is important to you, it will be worthy to your readers. 
​

​Sometimes a writer may assume that their personal stories aren’t interesting to other people and that people only want to read about the rich and famous.  Not true at all.  Readers crave connection and desire getting in touch with the depth and breadth of humanity by seeking out unique stories.  The tales of a farmer overcoming all odds in the age of industrial farming is a story with promise.  It contains the possibility for struggle, dedication, family love, and connection to the earth.  A memoir is more than a string of events, and therein lies its power; it is about the genuine experiences of people.  
​

The writing of a memoir should benefit the writer as much as the reader. 
​

​Writing serves many purposes.  It is a pathway to pulling out the skeletons in the closet and sending them to live elsewhere; writing is a pathway to healing.  Writing helps writers organize their thoughts.  It helps writers make sense of the world, of the people around them, and of their lives.  Writing allows writers to play with ideas and wrestle with the challenges we all face—emotionally, physically, and mentally.  When we write memoir, we gain perspective on our own experiences.  We learn and grow from the experience of writing memoir. 
​

www.preserveyourstory.com/

Good writing comes on its own schedule, so write when your stories are ready to be recorded.

Some writing coaches recommend writing every day—365 days a year.  Some recommend writing early in the morning and some late at night.  Some recommend using a writer’s notebook to capture the little ideas that burst into our thoughts at the least-convenient times.  Some suggest waiting a certain amount of time—up to 8 years for painful events—to write. Write when it works for you, set a schedule, and stick to it.  If that schedule is once a month, and that’s what really does work for you, then do that. If you set a schedule to write at 4am every day when the house in quiet, because all of the non-writers are still sleeping, then go for it.  Every writer is different, and every writer has the responsibility to finding their groove of how and when writing works for them. Following what works for one writer will not necessarily net results for the next person. When your stories are ready, record them.  Generally speaking, the more frequently that a writer engages in the writing process, the more prolific that writer is, but find your flow and go with it.
​

Memoirist’s Bill of Rights 
​

​Your stories are valid and valuable.

People want to read your personal stories.

Be yourself.  People want to read about you.

Your memories do not need to match anyone else’s memories.

If a story is important to you, it will be worthy to your readers.

The writing of a memoir should benefit the writer as much the reader.

Good writing comes on its own schedule, so write when your stories are ready to be recorded.
​

Related Blog Posts